i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
