im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
