I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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