On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
