i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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