im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
