1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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