I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
