Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
