Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
