I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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