My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
