the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
