Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
