i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
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