I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
