im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
