i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
