she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
