So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's just like the Real World with babies
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
