i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
