worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
