so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
