Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
