I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
