I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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