Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
