I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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