I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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