She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
