I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
