Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
