he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
