If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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