herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
