Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
