How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
