Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
