Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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