It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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