I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
