I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
