The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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