i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
