All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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