when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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