Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
