Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
