I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
