Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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