just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
