Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
