my sisters under your porch take her home
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
