What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
