i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
