did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
