I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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