I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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