You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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