remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think my vagina is haunted
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
time to smoke my breakfast
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Randomize
