TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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