Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
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The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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