I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
