if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
