you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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