You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
