I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
