Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you never un-have a 4some
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
