I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
