Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
