when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How does one acquire holy water?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize