life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
