thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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