Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
