i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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