awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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