This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
