After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
