I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
