You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
