just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i want to swaddle you in tequila
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I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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