i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize