i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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