ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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