it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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