evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just pynch a tree in the face
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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